Am I Congruent? 

For the past 8 months or so I have been working on and off with an amazing life coach. She has really helped me grow and see things differently in my life. Like everything else though, when it gets too difficult or I don't see immediate results, I give up or not try as hard. 

I just started a new training with her and she gave us some homework to do. She asked us (our group of amazing women) to write down the things we want in our life and in our business. Then we need to examine our reasons why we aren't going for these things (excuses) and the actions we are taking to achieve our wants. Talk about hard! I had to be honest and it is really just so simple: I am not doing the work. It is all well and good to say you WANT things, but unless you actually work for them, they don't magically appear. 

Everything I want in life and business: 

1. I want to be a leader in my business. I want to grow my team and be a part of the leadership team for our area.

2. I want to consistently work on self development by listening to one podcast a week or participate in a training.

3. I want to learn how to manage my need for self awareness and not feel guilty by taking the time to do it. 

4. I want to teach my children through example how to be patient and enjoy the little moments in life. 

5. I want to continue to have butterflies every time I see my hubby. I want to keep working at the love. 

My excuses:

1. This is the number one: I put everyone else's priorities above my own. I get lost in what they need or want. I don't stand up for myself and my needs. This is my biggest battle. 

2. If I show up for myself, who am I letting down? My husband? My kiddos? My friends? My business? 

3. I am tired 99% of the time. 

4. I have a 17 month old that is in to everything and likes to lick electrical sockets after he has mastered the art of taking out the outlet cover. 

List of actions I am currently taking:

1. Feeling overwhelmed and giving up and hiding behind Facebook. 

2. Playing Candy Crush 

3. Starting over once again. 

Are my actions congruent with my dreams? 

1. Do I really need to answer that question? I think it is obvious. My soul needs a kick in the ass. 

No Carbs? Seriously?! 

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but when I look good on the outside, I feel good on the inside. I have tried to be comfortable with my weight and the way I look, but it just ends in frustration and hooded sweatshirts to hide myself. So, instead of burying myself in a bag of BBQ chips, I have started working out regularly and just recently, following the tips in Jenna Wolfe's new book: Thinner in 30. I thought this book would be great for me because she gives you one change a day to master. I can do that, right? ONE thing? So doable. The first two days have been relatively easy. I have actually come to enjoy the 20 sips of water first thing in the morning and I had already started a food journal, so this step was fairly routine. 

Then day three happened. The change to add to your life is to take 10,000 steps. When I first read this chapter, I thought, HA! I have a 16 month old. Taking 10,000 steps is going to be so easy! Well, at 8:00pm last night, I had only taken about 7,500 steps. Ridiculous.  While the Hubby is watching tv, I am walking laps around my house. Yes, lap after lap, after lap. I hit 8,500 steps and the man on the couch relaxing says, oh it is okay, you did your best. What?! I tell him, you better be my cheerleader for these last 1,500 steps or I am making you get up and do them with me! Finally, I hit 10,000 steps. VICTORY!! I can now rule the world!! 

I am feeling all great and unstoppable while I read the next chapter and learn the next step in the 30 tips. I laugh aloud and throw the book on the couch. Nope, that's it. I 'm done. This is impossible and I can't do it. I have to stop eating simple carbs after 6:00pm. Who does this Jeanna Wolfe think she is? Does she not realize that carbs make life worth living? That carbs are one of my most favorite things in the world? I tell the Hubby this and he looks at me with an incredulous face. He says, "You just walked around the house for 30 minutes trying to get 10,000 steps, but you can't stop eating carbs at 6:00? She isn't saying you can't eat them at all." 

Touche, man who can eat anything he wants, touche. 

The Beginning

I'm sure you have heard the expression: Starting over yet again. Well, I am starting over again...again. I was going to say that I make no promises about being consistent with this blog or my progress, but that would give me an out, wouldn't it? I would already be saying, nope, this time won't stick either. I have had plenty of starts and restarts, like most people in their 30's raising three kiddos. But, unlike the last time I tried to change the things I don't like about my life, (and let's be real, the time before that too), I am going to be honest about this journey. I am going to include the good and the bad. No more glossing over the night where I eat an entire sleeve of thin mints or the times I lose my patience a little too fast. I'm going to own it. Own the fact that I am not perfect. I mean, who the hell is? If someone says they don't have a single thing about their life they would like to change, they are either lying, or delusional.  

I'm a pretty happy person, but lately I feel as if there is something more. Am I living my best life? Am I my best self? Again, not trying to be perfect, but just trying to find out why I have that nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach that just won't go away. That feeling that there is 'something' I am missing. 'Something' that I am not letting myself see or feel. Would that 'something' finally appear if I actually finished what I started?

We'll see...